I found out today that Bernie Williams has a strict no body part autograph policy. It’s our new grad student’s birthday, but we didn’t have a lot of warning or time to plan because today is only her second day of work, so we stepped out to get some cupcakes, which is the easiest and least thoughtful thing to do. This is New York City so our cupcake options are manifold. We opted to go to Georgetown Cupcakes. Mostly because Crumbs and Magnolia taste like cupcakey ass.
Did you know that there’s a television show about Georgetown Cupcakes? I found this out today as I tried to enter the store, but was stopped by a guy with a walkie-talkie and one of those earpiece things and a microphone clipped to his black tshirt who made me sign a release form on a clipboard saying I was a-okay with them filming me. Have you met a Masek? We practically carry around pre-signed release forms. We love to be on TV, even in a swimsuit.
I didn’t even bother to ask what they were filming, just signed the form and walked on in. At which point I noticed that Bernie Williams was behind the counter packaging cupcakes. My co-worker asked who that was, and I maybe too enthusiastically exclaimed, “BERNIE WILLIAMS!”
Listen, I hate the Yankees as much as any other decent person, but I have always liked Bernie Williams. How can you not? He’s maybe the only person EVER that the Yankees have actually brought up through their farm system* and he’s a classically trained guitarist.
My enthusiasm caught the attention of one of the producers who asked if I would be willing to ask Bernie to sign my arm so they could film it, and then they’d have the cupcake lady sign the other arm. I hesitated for one second about having Yankee ink mar my Cleveland skin, but then said yes, because there’s no price too high for fame. I took my box of cupcakes up to him and as he was signing it I said, “I’m supposed to ask you to sign my arm.” He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Oh, no, I can’t do that.” I explained that the produced told me it was cool and he explained that he can’t sign any body parts. (You’ll all be happy to know that I kept my first response, “But you signed my box” to myself.) So I said, “Huh, okay” and walked away with my cupcakes. I probably should have said thank you. He seemed very nice.
*When I got back to the office, I realized that almost exactly 20 years ago I got Bernie Williams’ autograph when he played for the Columbus Clippers, who at the time were the Yankees AAA team.
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- awpoops said: Crumbs doesn’t taste like ass.
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- erinmc said: My dad will be even more jealous than I was upon reading this. We love Bernie! I’m calling Dad now to tell him.
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- rendit said: The line around the Original Georgetown Cupcakes in Georgetown is so OUT OF BOUNDS they need to hire off duty MPD cops to police it. Also cops in DC need to take second jobs policing the line at Georgetown Cupcakes.
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