Called my Gramma to wish her a happy belated Mothers Day. I didn’t get through to her landline on Sunday and after I saw her try to answer her cell phone once while driving I vowed never to call her cell again. (It involved digging her phone out of her giant pocketbook, dropping it, finding it on the floor, squinting at the screen going, “I wonder who it could be!” then when all of this took long enough for the call to go to voicemail, she exclaimed, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” and when I looked at her, she threw her phone at me and said, “YEAH, GRAMMA CUSSES NOW, HAVEN’T YOU HEARD?”)
But today was the third day of not getting through to her landline so I gambled on the cell, and she was at dinner at the local truck stop with most of my cousins, half my aunts, and someone named Tim. I offered to call back after they were finished eating but she assured me that their food hadn’t arrived yet, and anyway the meatloaf would be too hot to eat right away and also it’s dollar taco night on Tuesdays so they’d already had 2 platters of tacos.
She told me all about the tons of weird crap she’s finding in her basement, and about how she went on a motorcycle ride on Sunday because she’s almost 80, damnit (remember, Gramma cusses now). She had my uncle take her up to my grandpa’s grave to show him that she could still ride a motorcycle. While I was talking to her, my aunt was texting me photos of everyone at the table pretending to get super drunk. Then Gramma passed the phone around to everyone at the table and made them talk to me, as punishment I assume.
Yeah, there’s a trailer in the yard. This is my family and we don’t give a shit.